This reflection discusses death by suicide. If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, please reach out to someone you trust and seek immediate support. You do not have to carry this pain alone.

If you are in a place of overwhelming pain, you may feel as though there is no way forward. You may believe that no one understands what you are experiencing or even that the people you love would somehow be better off without you. I know the pain can be excruciating at times, and you are convinced that it will all go away once you are gone. I know you just want it to be over, and even though you don’t want to leave your loved ones behind, ending your life by suicide feels like the only way out of this nightmare.

I know you don’t want to hurt the ones you love and hope they will understand. I know that you love them, but the demons are too strong, and their love in that final moment could not beat back the darkness.

But there is hope. Even when you cannot see a way forward, hope has not disappeared. Your pain may tell you that nothing will change, but pain does not get to write the end of your story. God remains with you in the darkness, and there are people who want to stand beside you until you can see the light again.

I believe that we are all attacked by demonic forces every day, and their relentless attempts to destroy what is good will never end. The evil in this world sows seeds of devastation wherever it can, and each of us is a daily target. When we look around for hope, we see a world in chaos, a constant barrage of bad news and division; we become convinced that suicide is the only solution.

Evil is motivated by the devastation it can cause in every corner of our lives, pulling us away from a relationship with God. It is a daily battle, and when we look around, one wonders if Satan is succeeding. Pain goes viral while goodness usually languishes in the background. This is the reality of suicide; it is the pain that overwhelms, and evil does what it can to block the hope that Christ offers each of us. Yet the hope Christ offers is never extinguished. Even when we cannot feel His presence or recognize His light, He remains with us. Darkness can make hope difficult to see, but it cannot take away the love and mercy of God.

A person does not choose to leave the ones they love; they simply reached a precipice and could no longer find a way back from the edge. They fought the darkness that came at them day in and day out, and despite the efforts to keep fighting, one battle was lost. Each of us is at war with evil, and love conquers, but in war there will always be casualties. I know this may seem a bit simplistic, but Satan’s goal is to pull as many people away from God as possible. When a family survives suicide, the devastation is at many levels: the questions, the blame, the anger, old teachings about hell, and, in some cases, suicide.      

To those left behind, I tell you, do not despair, because while Satan does everything he can to pull us away from God, our merciful and loving God does everything He can to bring us to Him. I believe that the person who finds themselves beyond the threshold of light and in the grasp of darkness will find God with an outstretched hand, and in a moment of grace, He offers a way to paradise. God became one of us when Jesus came into the world, and He allowed Himself to understand our pain.

Jesus experienced the power of evil and learned what we face every day as we fight to stay in the light of His grace. Every person who describes to me their loved one who died by suicide describes a caring, loving person, someone who would do anything for anyone who asked. The person they describe is not someone who would take their own life, and this is the reason for so many questions. Therefore, one must conclude that a good person who is loved by so many and who showed a love for others that belies the act of suicide must have been overwhelmed by evil’s relentless attack. Satan sends his demons to sow devastation, and what better way than to destroy someone good? We are all soldiers in the battle between good and evil, and despite the torment, when we turn to God, the Son and Holy Spirit, we find peace.

No one can fight the battle between good and evil alone. If you find yourself unable to continue the fight, put your trust in Jesus first and let Him carry the burden with you; next, allow the people who love you the opportunity to show you how much you mean to them and save them from the devastation of your loss. 

Please remember, asking for help is not a failure of faith. Sometimes God’s love reaches us through the hands of another person.

And for those grieving a suicide: continue to pray, continue to hope, and continue to entrust the person you love to the infinite mercy of God.

There is no darkness greater than His light.

God Bless 

Andrej N. Lah

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or a mental health crisis, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.