“You don’t move on after loss, but you must move with. You must shake hands with grief, welcome her in, for she lives with you now. Pull her a chair at the table and offer her comfort. She is not the monster you first thought her to be. She is love. And she will walk with you now, stay with you now, peacefully. If you let her. And on days your anger is high, remember why she came, remember who she represents. Remember. Grief came to you my friend because love came first. Love came first.”

Donna Ashworth

Grief is often perceived as a shadowy figure lurking on the edges of our lives after a loss, unwelcomed and feared. Yet, understanding grief as an expression of love can transform our perception, making it not the monster we initially thought it was but rather a companion that walks with us.

This perspective is beautifully articulated in the sentiment, “You don’t move on after loss, but you must move with. You must shake hands with grief, welcome her in, for she lives with you now.”

In the Catholic faith, we are taught that love is eternal — transcending even the boundaries of death. Therefore, grief, as the natural counterpart to love, is a testament to the bonds that continue beyond physical separation. At the Catholic Cemeteries Association, we see individuals at various stages of their grief journey and recognize that acknowledging grief as a companion is vital for healing. This allows for a healthier, more accepting approach to the emotions and memories that accompany the loss of a loved one.

Inviting grief to sit at our table is a powerful metaphor that suggests making space for grief in our lives, acknowledging its presence, and treating it with respect and tenderness as we would a guest in our home. “Pull her a chair at the table and offer her comfort,” implies that when acknowledged and accepted, grief can coexist with us more peacefully. This approach does not diminish the pain or the sense of loss but offers a way to live with grief without being overwhelmed by it. It’s about learning to live a new normal, where grief and joy, memory and presence, can intertwine.

The quote continues to remind us, “And on the days your anger is high, remember why she came, remember who she represents. Remember. Grief came to you my friend because love came first. Love came first.” This is a reminder of why we grieve. It’s not just the absence of a person but the absence of a love that was once physically present in our lives. Grief visits us not solely because of what we’ve lost but because of the love we had, which was so significant that its absence is deeply felt.

We at the Catholic Cemeteries Association invite you to reflect on your own experiences with grief through this lens of companionship and love. Our cemeteries offer a peaceful space where you can come to sit with your grief, to remember your loved ones, and to feel the eternal love that binds you to them. Whether through prayer, visiting their resting places, or simply sitting in quiet reflection, we support you in your journey of remembering and healing.

Written By: Paige Muttillo | Marketing Manager | Catholic Cemeteries Association